I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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