My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
