dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
