textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny