Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much

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  (817): So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much http://tfl.nu/mbp8
  Replies (2) Good night (648) Bad night (2243)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening

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  (604): I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening http://tfl.nu/c0v1
  Replies (44) Good night (1671) Bad night (7104)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.

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  (703): today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/mp4m
  Replies (1) Good night (2577) Bad night (762)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  and you succeeded.

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  (919): The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk. (1-919): and you succeeded. http://tfl.nu/9cm4
  Replies (11) Good night (4540) Bad night (1120)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.

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  (216): I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/0c0z
  Replies (4) Good night (2274) Bad night (638)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?

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  (719): Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I? http://tfl.nu/9iuq
  Replies (7) Good night (640) Bad night (1837)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.

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  (914): He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared. http://tfl.nu/k0z7
  Replies (11) Good night (2126) Bad night (605)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas

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  (412): It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas http://tfl.nu/da47
  Replies (8) Good night (1118) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.

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  (701): Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one. http://tfl.nu/mish
  Replies (8) Good night (736) Bad night (966)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am

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  (225): My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am http://tfl.nu/6fcm
  Replies (0) Good night (756) Bad night (370)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  The struggle is real.

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  (620): I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot (857): The struggle is real. http://tfl.nu/tczd
  Replies (0) Good night (794) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?

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  (314): He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left. (1-314): So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home? http://tfl.nu/r5sj
  Replies (5) Good night (842) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm

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  (707): I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm http://tfl.nu/rltc
  Replies (3) Good night (769) Bad night (338)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.

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  (860): And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping. http://tfl.nu/jid6
  Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (565)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015

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  (606): I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015 http://tfl.nu/1f2y
  Replies (5) Good night (167) Bad night (155)

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