Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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