Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
