I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize