I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
