do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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