Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
