dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
