I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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