dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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