I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
