I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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