Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
