he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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