FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
