Buhtt sex?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
