I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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