oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
