these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
