my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I did not marry a roomba.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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