Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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