thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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