I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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