who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
