mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
