Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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