It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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