I need help removing her.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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