If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
