You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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