He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
