You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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