Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
