Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
