Small penises have feelings too.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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