I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Text me some of your sweat
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
