I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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