I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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