it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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