If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
