I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can Purell be used as lube?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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