she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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