How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
