we have pet lesbian snakes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
