she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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