she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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