I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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