hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
