wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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