My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
