no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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