My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
