I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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