Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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