His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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