holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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