White coat. Heels.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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