You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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