you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
