I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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