i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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