She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
