Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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