Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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