Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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