I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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