whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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