I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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