Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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