Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
