just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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