remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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