how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
