Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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