Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
