you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
