If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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