My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
